i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
