I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
