I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The power of my boobs compel you
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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