My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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