i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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