Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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