Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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