i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Your cock deserves a montage
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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