had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
