So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
