that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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