just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
