I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
