I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
