I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
