'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Someone shit on the floor
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
