Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
