I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
