i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
