Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
