I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
