awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
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I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
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Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
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