I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
