Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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