I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
