I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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