You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
