I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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