I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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