I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You pole danced in your parka.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
