i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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