Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
