Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
