sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
