His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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