I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
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I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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