Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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