Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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