i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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