mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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