I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
