so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
