Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
