We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
