I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
