I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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