96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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