They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
