So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
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