remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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