He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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