Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
