you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
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2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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