Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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