Please, let me fuck your mom
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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