My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
