I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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