why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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