it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
