Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
