why didn't you poke me back
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize