i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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