Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
