haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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