Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
