she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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