I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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