You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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