ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
