Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
