i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
